dream of extreme humiliation
Feb. 15th, 2013 07:35 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sinepentheI just had the most scarring dream. I had never felt so humiliated, ever.
The dream started off with showing Carl some pages of scenes. One of them was specifically of Aurele and most likely Laurele. I can't even remember the scenes exactly. All I knew was that it was my worst one there and I couldn't even understand it. Because the scenes were so disconnected--and at one point before this part of the dream, I suddenly remember my mother carrying me into a section of jellyfish in the ocean. They scared me so I stayed underwater (water under water?! or jellyfish flying above water?) so that they couldn't touch me. Mom dragged me by feet--and I had Belen look at it beforehand I think and she said that it was hard to understand. I don't remember Carl's feedback but it apparently just wasn't clear. He moved onto someone else. When he was done, I wanted him to look over again and he agreed, but was aggressive about it. He was so aggressive he took the worst scene rather than my better scenes and put it on a big screen. What was perfect timing was people started crowding in the room and it had me panicked. I panicked the most when I saw Rachel and Brian were there, then that's when I started freaking out. Now that I think about it, maybe I was having a panic attack, but the crowd of people in the dream were too douchey to notice.
In the middle of the screening of what was now an animatic of my horrible scene I specifically remember Rachel criticizing Aurele for calculating math too slow in his head, saying, "It only takes a sec to do that" and she seemed pretty irritated saying it. Brian followed, laughing, and called me stupid for because the entire animatic was bad. It's becoming blurry now at this point, but I just freaked the fuck out. I don't remember exactly what I did. (Also I may have been wearing SFC's uniform, I suddenly remember) I was just throwing a scene in front of the screen, in front of everybody, screaming, and I might've been banging my head against things at this point, and nothing at all stopped until it finally ended. I don't remember the aftermath.
The dream might've skipped to the next day, where I was still feeling humiliated. I was so angry, I couldn't focus on normal tasks. I threw shit around and screamed. I might've ran around. At some point, Jackie appeared to comfort me. I remember she was wearing a black jacket, she might've been dressed as she was from SFC, a black jacket and the uniform. Definitely the black jacket. Her hair was shoulder-length. She assuring something about how I was a righteous dresser (?) I had tweeted (apparently) some negative comments I received, so that's what she was referring to. She dragged me to class, and maybe Belen too. When I entered the classroom, I felt the dread of waiting for Rachel and Brian to arrive. I didn't want to see them most of all, and Brian scared me the most. When they arrived at the door, I kept away and started banging my head against things hard. This is when my alarm clock woke me up.
Essentially, my work was presented without it being ready, and it was awful, awful, awful. The feeling of humiliation was unbearable, I was angry and full of hatred, and I felt that I could never forgive my friends for witnessing it.
The dream started off with showing Carl some pages of scenes. One of them was specifically of Aurele and most likely Laurele. I can't even remember the scenes exactly. All I knew was that it was my worst one there and I couldn't even understand it. Because the scenes were so disconnected--and at one point before this part of the dream, I suddenly remember my mother carrying me into a section of jellyfish in the ocean. They scared me so I stayed underwater (water under water?! or jellyfish flying above water?) so that they couldn't touch me. Mom dragged me by feet--and I had Belen look at it beforehand I think and she said that it was hard to understand. I don't remember Carl's feedback but it apparently just wasn't clear. He moved onto someone else. When he was done, I wanted him to look over again and he agreed, but was aggressive about it. He was so aggressive he took the worst scene rather than my better scenes and put it on a big screen. What was perfect timing was people started crowding in the room and it had me panicked. I panicked the most when I saw Rachel and Brian were there, then that's when I started freaking out. Now that I think about it, maybe I was having a panic attack, but the crowd of people in the dream were too douchey to notice.
In the middle of the screening of what was now an animatic of my horrible scene I specifically remember Rachel criticizing Aurele for calculating math too slow in his head, saying, "It only takes a sec to do that" and she seemed pretty irritated saying it. Brian followed, laughing, and called me stupid for because the entire animatic was bad. It's becoming blurry now at this point, but I just freaked the fuck out. I don't remember exactly what I did. (Also I may have been wearing SFC's uniform, I suddenly remember) I was just throwing a scene in front of the screen, in front of everybody, screaming, and I might've been banging my head against things at this point, and nothing at all stopped until it finally ended. I don't remember the aftermath.
The dream might've skipped to the next day, where I was still feeling humiliated. I was so angry, I couldn't focus on normal tasks. I threw shit around and screamed. I might've ran around. At some point, Jackie appeared to comfort me. I remember she was wearing a black jacket, she might've been dressed as she was from SFC, a black jacket and the uniform. Definitely the black jacket. Her hair was shoulder-length. She assuring something about how I was a righteous dresser (?) I had tweeted (apparently) some negative comments I received, so that's what she was referring to. She dragged me to class, and maybe Belen too. When I entered the classroom, I felt the dread of waiting for Rachel and Brian to arrive. I didn't want to see them most of all, and Brian scared me the most. When they arrived at the door, I kept away and started banging my head against things hard. This is when my alarm clock woke me up.
Essentially, my work was presented without it being ready, and it was awful, awful, awful. The feeling of humiliation was unbearable, I was angry and full of hatred, and I felt that I could never forgive my friends for witnessing it.